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10/07/2023: One Month of Webbing and How Social Media Nearly Destroyed My Mental Health

(Warning: This blog is a very long rant that mentions negativity, declining mental health, depression, the 2016 Election, Donald Trump, police brutality, sexual assault, the Supreme Court and Elon Musk. Please take care before reading on.)

Welp, today marks my one month anniversary since I created a Neocities account. As I mention in both my Home page and About Me page, the reason why I made this account is because I don’t like how corporations has taken over social media sites and shove algorithm in our faces. Because of this, it causes people to swear off of social media for mental reasons. I was one of those people.

Before late 2016, I used to be on Facebook, a lot! I liked looking at statuses from family, friends and classmates from both high school and in university to see what their up to and such. However, Facebook started adding algorithm around 2013 is when I started noticing some changes. I start seeing more negative posts on topics on current events, politics and even on people’s lifestyle. I didn’t like and it got worst during the 2016 election, where a quarter of people on my Facebook feed, didn’t want Hilary Clinton as president, but wanted Donald Trump as president instead! Then, there are another quarter of people on my Facebook feed that didn’t want Trump as their president, but didn’t want Clinton as their president either. Then, there’s the rest of everyone on my Facebook feed, who really, REALLY don’t want Trump as president for good reasons. But then the night of November 8th happened and everyone who remembered that night knew what happened next.

I remember making a mistake on going on Facebook a few hours after the election result (that I was recovering a meltdown from) and saw so many people were ANGRY over the election results. Many were disappointed over how the country is going and (rightfully) worried that some of the progress that we gained is going to be taken away by him and his administration. Then there were others who were happy that he won and that the country is going to be “great again”! It was when I had another meltdown and decide that I won’t be going on Facebook anymore! I deleted the app off my iPhone and deleted the bookmark on my laptop. I did the same thing with Twitter as well (which I’ll get to in a minute).

I eventually returned to Facebook in early 2017, but I only do it on the web browser on my iPhone and only go one certain people’s profiles for a period of time before logging off for the day. I did this for a few years until last year, where after being disappointed with some of their posts where they mention that they have successful jobs, are married, have kids, etc., I decided to stay off for good to the point the only time I’ll return to Facebook is to like the posts that some people post on my profile page on my birthday. Even going back there, I still get depressed over how some people have better lives than me as I’m currently unemployed, living at home with my mom, is forever single and have no kids. For me, I feel like a failure compared to others.

As for Twitter (or “X” is what they called it now), I joined in April 2015 to follow some of Let’s Players (or LPers) to see when they’re going to published their new video. I also follow some of my schools’ clubs, various news sources and of course, some of the people that I know. I heard that Twitter can get toxic in the comment section; it was because of that, I don’t post and comment that much for mental reasons. Like with Facebook in 2016, I fled Twitter due to the aftermath of the Election Day before returning early next year. Even then, I stayed careful to not read any depressing articles or posts on Twitter that will make me sad. So for any current events that involved with mass shootings or murdering unarmed black men, I stayed off due to the negative reaction over it, which will make me fall into further depression.

Then in 2020, the pandemic happen and Twitter started to change. The vibes started to get negative the longer the pandemic goes on. Then, when the news of George Floyd (an unarmed black man) was killed by a police officer on Memorial Day weekend, people got REALLY angry and started getting vocal about it! Some said this was overdue as stuff like this was going on for years and people tend to move on from the killings after like, two weeks. Because the pandemic caused all entertainment section to shutdown, there wasn’t anything to distract us, so we were forced to do something about this. People protested in the street and companies were forced to apologize for having racist overtone on some of their products, which caused them to change. While I support all that and such, after a while, this caused my mental health to decline once more by looking at the posts. So, I have to get off Twitter for a bit.

By the time things calmed down a bit, I returned to Twitter just to see #MeToo movement taking off again! This time it took down some of the streamers and LPers who everyone just found out were actual sexual predators! This even caused one of the collective that one streamer I followed (who was thankfully spared) was in, to forced to disbaned because half of their members were accused of sexual assault! Welp, time for me to get off of Twitter again until everything calmed down and this was the same month as the Black Lives Matter movement happened too!

Things did calmed down again and I eventually returned to Twitter, where it stayed that way until the 2020 Election, where many people feared there was going to be a repeat of the 2016 Election. Nope, not this time as Trump actually lost, which brought people some hope that the country is finally going back on track! Then a few months later, the January 6th United States Capital attack happened! This caused me to get off (and most of social media) again for a few weeks for obvious reasons. I then returned and got off anytime a negative current event happened. This keeps going on until May 2022.

That was when there were whispers on Twitter that the Supreme Court was about to abolish Roe v. Wode, with a leak of the rough draft was published on the site. I feared that this will cause a huge backlash. I stupidly looked at a tread on the topic and people were rightfully mad! That it was then, it was time to permanently get off of Twitter…FOR GOOD! I wisely did as a month later, they DID abolished Roe v. Wode and people got very vocal about it! I wasn’t even safe on Reddit as there were people talking about it. So, time to take a month off of all social media accounts until this blows over a bit and to remind myself vote out the Republicans who allowed this to happen in the Midterms!

In late October, the racist South African “Muskrat” bought out Twitter and he made the site, TRASH! Prior to that point, I deleted the Twitter app off my iPhone and don’t go there as much as I used to. Seeing the billionaire, who was forced to buy this site due to his own greed, slowly destroying the powerful social microblog is what caused me to permanently delete my Twitter account and I never looked back since. While the downside of all this, I have a harder time seeing updates from my favorite LPers, my mental health has improved greatly over deleting Twitter. But not for Reddit however…

Around the same time I got off of Facebook in late 2016, I used Reddit as a replacement. I don’t have to worry about using my real name when making an account and you can be as anonymous as you want to be! On my early days, I used to spend my time on the Danganronpa subreddit and enjoyed the memes and reaction when the latest game, Killing Harmony came out in September 2017! I also followed other subreddits and enjoyed reading the posts and the comment section.

However, slowly my mental health declined the longer I was on Reddit. I see people post things on the subreddit and get trashed in the comment section for it being bad. Even I was targeted as I posted on my fan art on Danganronpa subreddit and one comment called my art, GROSS! For an anxious person like me, this caused me to get upset and I got discouraged from posting ever again. I tried again in 2021 by posting fan art of the characters on their birthdays, but for some reason, I feel like not many people liked my post and were secretly trashing me and my art in their private DMs, behind my back, which makes me anxious. By late June, I abandoned my project in fear of possible backlash.

Then from then to up to 2023, the only thing I did was up vote post and comments and that was it. I feel like I’m safer by doing that. Then in June 2023, Reddit announced that they were going to start pricing 3rd party apps that were using their code. This made people mad as some of the mods on the site used them to get rid of bots from spamming their subreddits and others use it to get away from using the official app, which was garbage (I was one of those people who ditched their offical app in 2021). When Reddit refused to budge, most 3rd party apps shut down and the mods protest by shutting down their subreddits. Some reddit users even went further by deleting their accounts in disgust. Then there others like me, who fled to other sites in hoping for freedom.

Since then, I returned to Reddit, but I’m only doing so on a browser on my iPhone by using an app that that used what one of 3rd party used. I hope I can stay there as long they don’t do anything else that will upset more people…Welp not anymore since they announced last month that they’re getting rid the option to opt out of ads in favorite of a “better” system, which means nothing as this it’s basically their excuse to fill in more ads. So, expect more people to flee the site in the future. And the app I’m using for the browser, actually have a feature to opt out of ads, so jokes on them!

The other sites I used include Instagram, which I created in August 2018. I mainly followed people from both high school and university. I rarely post or comment because I hear the comments section can get really nasty and I get discourage when some people’s post have over a million likes, while mines’ gets at least, 4 likes! Like with Twitter, I was on and off based on any negative current events and some of the posts were depressing to the point I have limit myself on Instagram to a few times a day! And the algorithm is pretty bad here too (after all, it’s owned by Facebook, what do I expect!)

I eventually abandoned my main account in March 2023. But, I came back with a secondary account, where I can follow all the fan art and #actually autistic posts without fearing my friends were going to judge me over having them. But still, I’m on and off of it as I don’t feel comfortable using it for some reason.

Then there’s Tumblr, which I created back in June. Like I mention in my birthday post, I had to get used to mostly everyone being left-leaning and even then, there are depressing posts that will take down my mood. Despite that, I feel happier than being on Reddit and Twitter as I can safety post and comment fan art and not get attacked like the other two accounts did. Even then, Tumblr does like to make questionable decision that makes me think twice about having an account there. When I joined, they just allow nudity posts again (but no sex please as there’s minors on the site! /s). But then they changed the layout on the desktop in August, this made some users upset as some were autistic and are known to hate changes (everyone hates them too, it just changes negatively affect autistics more).

Then there were rumors that the Tumblr staff is trying to make Tumblr look like Twitter since majority of the people who fled late 2022 was from that site. This made long time users, angry as Tumblr is one of the only sites that doesn’t use algorithm and doesn’t want them at all! It was then I decided that I should be looking for secondary accounts, just in case Tumblr too goes downward just like Twitter and Reddit did (or as everyone like to call it, enshittification).

That’s why I decided to make a Neocities account and make this website (took this long to get the point!). I want to (mostly) have control on what I say and do. I want to get away from the algorithm that plagues various social media. I want the make the site look like the way I wanted it to be. I want to like being online again. Of course the “downside” of all this, this require to do some coding for it to work. As an autistic person who easily gets frustrated and has lack of patience, coding a website is actually hard! Especially when the only time I coded was for a computer design class in the 10th grade. And after completing that class, I never code again!

So, now I have to learn it all over again. It’s not easy; I’m not going to lie. Like I mention in my birthday post, sometimes it’s hard when you want to do something and the code won’t work for some reason. But, I am getting better over time and there’s people who actually praised some of my pages, which makes me happy. Also like on Tumblr, people are nice here, which makes me not have to worry about post or commenting anything that will cause problems. Of course, there’s assholes around here and while I’m thankful I haven’t have to deal with them yet, I know that one day, they will find me and go after me for no reason. And when it does happen, I don’t know what to do as I don’t like conflict and I can easily get upset over stuff like this.

Hopefully, I can stay here as long as I can and not suffer from burnout or fall into depression that will cause me to abandon this site, just like the rest of the various social media accounts that I mention above. Hopefully staying here will cause me to code better so I can do cool things for my site. If it’s good enough, I can use it to get a job since coding is one of the most sought out skill that businesses want. And maybe, to find some friends as I’m a loner who’s too scared to talk to someone, fearing that they hate me for what I say and do. I do have some acquaintances on Tumblr, where we just basically up vote and reblog our posts and that’s about it. I joined a few webrings here, which helped a bit. Maybe I’ll join some more. Who knows?

Sorry for a very long and deep post there! Hopefully you’ll understand some of the issues I have with social media and how it affects my mental health. Maybe next time I post, I’ll post something lighter to not see me as a depressing person. Wondered what would that post is? Hmmm…