11-19-2023: My Sister's Birthday

(Warning: This blog is a very long one that mentions abuse, drugs, politics, anti-vaxxers and some heavy stuff. Please take care before reading on.)

Today’s my older sister’s birthday. It’s funny that when I was younger, I used to not like her. I know it’s common for people who grew up with older siblings. How they complain that they get to do all the nice things, but they can’t because they’re too young. For some, while the older sibling get new things, such as clothes, they don’t as they ended with their old clothes that doesn’t match their personality or it’s too big on them. When they enter school, there is a chance that there’s some teachers who had their older sibling as their student in the past is like, “Hey, it’s _______’s younger sibling”, which annoys them as it’s the only thing that the teacher knows about them. And depending how they were in school, is either the teacher expect great things from them because their older sibling was their model student or have low expectation against them because their older sibling was one of the worst students that they ever had!

While I do get jealous on some of the things my older sister did that I couldn’t do because of my age, I got lucky on not having to wear her old clothes as my family can afford to buy new clothes for me. Same thing with school that when I was 13 years old, my family moved to Germany, so I don’t have to worry about having the chance that a teacher who knows my older sister. Although, she did went to the same middle school that I went to in Ohio thought. It also help that my older sister is 12 years older than me, so by the time I started middle school, most of her teachers would either leave or retire. But still, for the longest time, I never liked her due to the things that my mom told me about her when I was growing up. Thankfully, by the time I became an adult, my opinion of her changed and now we get along.

When my older sister was born in 1983, my mom was living in Los Angeles, California with her first husband. What I heard from my older sister was her dad was an abusive jerk to both her and our mom. No wonder mom got a divorce from him and later moved back to Ohio. For a while, it was just the two of them as they lived in a small condo in the city. Then in the late 80’s, my mom met her second husband, my daddy, at a party. This led to them dating each other and having daddy moved in the condo with them. Mom said my older sister never liked him as he was “different” and a “replacement” for her dad.

It got worse when my parents got married and had me 3 years later. Mom told me that my sister HATED me for the longest time because I took attention away from her as I was the baby in the family. Mom told me that one time, she caught my older sister trying to straighten my hair, using a flat iron when I was 6 MONTHS OLD! It didn’t help that my sister was 12 years old at the time, where she was at the age where preteens tend to get more emotional due to puberty.

Then we moved out of the condo and into the suburb in order to get away from the city life and to enjoy taking things slow in the country. My sister never liked that and so when she became a teenager, she started doing all the things that teenagers aren’t supposed to do. Cut class, smoke, drink, hanging out with the bad crowd. She got even sent to juvie a few times because of her behavior! Eventually, it was too much for my parents as they not only having to deal with a rebellious teenager, but also having to rise a recently diagnose, autistic preschooler. So at the end, my mom decided it was the best to put my sister in foster care and hope someone can put her on the right path.

It didn’t as by the time my sister turned 20, she end up a mother with a newborn girl, who has a deadbeat dad, and haven’t graduate from high school! There she was given two choices from both our mom and her foster mom: drop out and find a job to support her and her newborn child or move back home and get her diploma. My sister moved back home and did just that. 6 year old me was confused with all this. I was like, why is there’s an older woman, who I haven’t seen since I was 3-4 years old, living with me and my family? And why does she have a baby (who was my oldest niece) with her?

After my sister finished high school, she and the baby moved out and I never saw them ever again. That’s until 2 years later, my mom randomly came home one day with a toddler in the backseat of her car. It turns out that she and daddy just recently won full custody of my older sister’s daughter as they don’t think she can handle being a responsible mother. Of course, 8 year old me didn’t get all that and instead of thought, “Hey, I got a younger sibling!”

Then stuff happened. Daddy died, mom signed a contract to move to Germany for a job. I remember right before we moved my older sister, who gave birth to 2 more children, heard wind that her oldest child is leaving the country and want to say goodbye. When mom saw my older sister’s car in the parkway on that day, she made me and my niece goes over to one of the neighbor’s house as the two get into a heated argument. After my sister left, I asked her what happened, mom coldly told me my older sister was trying to make a scene when she came over, but mom wants no part of it. It would be years until I hear from my sister again.

Then one day in 2013, my older sister found me on Facebook and I fully befriended her. Mom saw that and she scolded my for befriending her, knowing all the things she did in the past and worries that she was going to be a bad influence on me. By that point, I was 18, was going to graduate from high school in a few months and unlike my older sister, I never got in any trouble and always did my work. I was basically a role model that my mom wished my older sister was when she was growing up. My niece in the other hand, she was starting to become like her mother: cutting class, not doing her classwork, lying. The only thing she hasn’t done yet was to do drugs and the illegal stuff.

When we moved back to the States, my niece was getting worst day by day to the point the principal at her new middle school in Texas had a meeting with her and my mom over a lie that my niece made to the school that my mom not taking care of her. Mom flatty tells the principal the trust that she WAS taking care of my niece and not to believe any words she said about her! Mom later told me that what she said left the prinicipal speechless and they remained speechless when she left the office, knowing this isn't going to get better.

It didn’t and the final breaking point was when mom received an automatic voice message from the middle school that my niece was cutting too much class and that the police and the CPS might get involved if nothing gets done soon. Mom, who’s frustrated that no matter how hard she tried to keep her grandchild from becoming her mother, she’s going to end on the same path as her. It was then mom decided that it was time to bring her grandchild back to her mom and tell her to deal with her! That’s what happened when mom picked me up from the airport for winter break and told me everything in the car. I cried because of it and that no matter how hard my mom tried, she still failed.

For the next 2 years, I never heard from my older niece again and after high school, I blocked my sister from my Facebook page due to some unrelated family drama that I accidently got dragged into (I blame autism for this). Despite that, she and my mom is on speaking terms again as my mom was kind of enough to help her pay some of her rent back in Ohio. It was between our time in Germany and moving back to the States is when my older sister changed. She realized what she did growing up was bad and is now regretful over some of the actions she did that made my parents’ live miserable. Also being a mother of 3 children, with 3 different fathers, who refused to pay her child support, humbled her as she struggled to get money to put food on the table and buy clothes for school. Now dragging my niece, who is about to end up on the same row as her, my sister feel like this was karma coming back to her after all the years.

Then in March 2017, something happened. My sister lost her job at the apartment complex that she and the kids were living in and now they have to move out, STAT! At this point, my sister feels like she have no option left and decided to do the one thing that her younger self refused to do: ask mom if they can move in with her. Where mom was living, there were enough rooms for her and her 3 kids. Of course, I live with mom too, so mom decided to call me and asked me if I was okay with this since this was a big change. I think about the pros and the cons, which the biggest con was my oldest niece (my sister’s oldest child) returning since I had bitter memories with her from all the years she stayed with us. I think I even have an argument with mom over her! At the end, I allowed them to move in since it sounds like my oldest niece became a different person who went from living in a quiet, safe, middle class home to living in a working class home in one of the most dangerous part in the city!

So for the next few months, I slowly gain trust in my sister as I get to know about her and her two other children better. It turns out that she and our mom have some things in common such as believing that aliens are real and likes to read tarot cards. I also learned that my sister is a terrible cook and tends to put hot sauce in everything that she cooked to keep her kids from knowing that the food is bad. Because of this, her two younger children tend to eat everything with hot sauce while her oldest child doesn’t since she used to eat my mom’s food as she’s a better cook. At least my mom taught my sister how to cook better when moved here. Then there’s the fact she’s known to get into bad relationships when dating.

6 months after moving in with us, the man she was dating in Ohio allowed her and her kids to move in a condo with him and his 2 kids. Mom was suspicious as they have been dating for a year and wondered why he didn’t ask her to move in with him when she got kicked out of the apartment in the first place. 2 months later, my sister dumped the man due to being mentally abusive towards her and her kids. Even his kids were cruel to them! This caused them to move back with us, which made me angry mainly because, why bothered knowing something like that was going to happen.

Then a year later, she started dating an Army veteran who worked at one of her former job. I didn’t like him as he was 9 years younger than my sister to the point he would’ve been in my high school as he was 3 years older than me! And there’s the fact that he and his family were rednecks and Trump supporters (his family was, he in the other hand, was an Independent). And he (and his family) was an anti-vaxxer who managed to bring home Covid to the house in 2021 and got everyone sick! Note, me and my mom was in Germany when this happened and this was a few months after he and his son moved in after getting priced out of their apartment. Right before me and my mom moved back to the States, they broke up due to him refusing to get the vaccine, which caused him, his son and their dog to move out to live with his parents.

With the two failed relationships above since moving with us and her children’s’ deadbeat fathers, the fact my sister have bad luck of getting into a relationship makes me scared to be one. Mainly because of my autism, which makes me gullible and the fact I’m not good with body language to the point by the time I find out that I’m in an abusive relationship, I’ll end up dead! And seeing my sister in muliple failed relationships, makes it worst! But on the plus side, a few months ago, my sister started dating this guy, who updated our cell phones and it sounds like he’s a nice guy. To me, there is hope for my sister as I think this will be the first time she’ll be in a healthy relationship for once! Sadly I haven’t heard anything from him since, which means my sister probably dumped him, once more. Sigh…

At the end, I have a good relationship with my sister. After a rough past with her growing up due to what she did, I’m glad she changed. I’m glad that she moved here in order to give her 2 younger children a better chance of life. I’m also happy that my oldest niece isn’t a terrible person anymore and isn’t doing dumb things anymore (well most of the time). Because of that, were on better terms compared to 8 years ago.

I don’t know what’s going to happen in a few years from now as mom’s planning to retire, to sale the house and (maybe) move to Oregon. But I do know that my sister will be coming with us when we do move away as mom can trust her on what happens next. And I hope that this can stay this way.

Happy birthday, big sister!

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